The Fertility Files

Daily Temp: 97.9

The cycle has gone by with one baby born and finding out another person is pregnant. That pregnant person is not me. I started to get excited with 8 days of high temps, but with a 97.9 this morning my hopes are dashed.

I can't feel too terrible since I was no where near my husband on the "go" days. We gave it our best shot.

When we started this go back in January I was hopeful that it wouldn't take too long. Some little bit of me thought it wouldn't be this hard. I still want so badly to believe that.

I'm tired of it being difficult. I'm tired of being the infertile. I'm tired of struggling with money. And what the hell does that have to do with anything? Money=testing. I don't have the money so I can't do the testing that I need. I want to pick up the phone and call the RE and just get it all over with. I'd like to know if getting pregnant is even possible. It would be nice to have a clear direction. But for now we'll give it our all and keep trying.

Daily Temp: 98.5

What the hell. Talk about a wonky start to a cycle. It's still a bit off. I started odd spotting last Tuesday, thought things were starting on Thursday and nothing major until yesterday. No serious cramps (that's a good thing) and no breast tenderness. I did have the I-want-to-kill-everyone-around-me on Tuesday. Thus the thinking that Wednesday was my day.

Things are still a bit off temperature wise. 98.5 isn't even close to normal for me. And a consistent 98.4-5 is way off. My normal temp runs in the low 97s. It's been so strange that Thursday I found myself buying a pregnancy test just to be sure. When there was only one line I felt like crying a little, like always, but held it together. One more month to get it all right I suppose.

I'm damned determined to get it all this month. OPK (new digital one!), temping, charting, tea... all of it.

Of course this negative reinforces the fact that I resolved to call the RE this cycle. It will be my first foray into help by a Western doc. I'm scared. I don't know what I have to be afraid of. The acupuncturist says they are no pressure to go with treatments. I just want the testing. Hell... the insurance pays for that. Of course insurance pays for up to 6 IUIs. Lucky us I know. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.